On Fatness, Beauty, and Desire

From the time I began editing the manuscript for my second book, I had been wanting to write a blog post about fatness, beauty, and love in my books. I’ve been thinking about it a lot, then sometime ago I came across a post on Threads about a very popular book (which I had not heard about before) with a fat FMC which sends an absolutely terrible message about and to fat people, especially women. Most comments concurred with the OP’s critique of the book. It was this impetus that made me finally sit down and type out this blog entry.

Where to begin? 

Maybe with my own self. My approach to writing fat MCs comes from my own experience of having been a fat woman for most of my adult life. I grew up a lanky child, and it was only with the onset of puberty and the accompanying hormonal changes that I put on weight around my hips and stomach. Even when I wasn’t fat, I was never small enough to qualify as thin or a “normal” sized body.

But far from the experiences of my peers, as I would later come to read and understand, growing up, I was never criticized for my body. My parents never expressed discontent about how I looked, even though I grew up at the time when Indian families were preoccupied with their daughters being acceptable in the arranged marriage market. I was tall, dark, bespectacled, and fat. But far from being judged for it, I was cherished for who I was, a good student, a great cook, a singer with a melodious voice, an engrossing writer. I was well-spoken and kind. I did get comments about my uncharacteristically loud laugh (women should not laugh loudly) and my unfeminine way of walking (hey, I was tall and fat. Of course, I strode, not walked.) 

Briefly put, my family (immediate and extended) never turned my body into a source of shame for me. And I carried the legacy of this upbringing with me as I matured. I am the woman who will not shrink in her seat on an airplane, or feel obligated to give up my armrest. I take up space with my clothing, bold jewelry, noteworthy perfumes, and bright lipsticks.

I have never felt uncomfortable about scrutiny while consuming meals amid company (It was 2009 when I learned that fat people are expected to not eat publicly for fear of being judged). I still laugh loudly and talk authoritatively. In hindsight, my ADD might have helped me tune out the noise, but I was never taught to shrink, fade, or vanish. I realize this is not everyone’s experience with their bodies. 

Now, I am not saying that I have never been judged, but no one has dared to do it to my face. I know people make fun of me for my size behind my back but that’s their problem, not mine. I have embraced my fat self with the panache of a diva. (Ha, see what I did there?)  

It was only logical, then, that my FMCs embody this outlook toward fatness and beauty. Some of my FMCs are/will be fat but it is not, in any manner, a deterrent to their self-confidence and their desires. More importantly, my MMCs do not see them as fat bodies. In fact, the only time the word fat is mentioned is when others are describing them. Their fatness does not alter (diminish or enhance) their beauty. It does not make them hesitant about their desires.

In exploring their sexualities and desires, the fatness of my MCs holds the same importance as the color of the eyes or the feel of the skin: incidental. That’s not what you fall in love with and that’s not what deters you. It’s just one aspect of the entirety of my MCs’ self and personality. [For the purpose of this post, I have used FMC/MMC because all my books until now feature heterosexual couples. I’m hoping that will change soon. I have dropped some bread crumbs in my second book. See if you can spot them when it’s out]

My MCs won’t spend pages trying to get comfortable with their fatness before falling for their love interest, even when they have been rejected before for their body type and size. They won’t wait for their romantic partners/love interests to tell them how wonderful they look before determining their own worth. For, while one may get all the love from others, the thing that predetermines it all is self-love. My MCs love themselves and are then ready to accept love from others. My MCs know who they are and what they are not ready to compromise on. 

I know my MCs won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, but if you want to read about women who are comfortable in their skin and their fatness, do give my books a chance. 

P.S. This was a small teaser for my second book, featuring Sona Thomas and Mihir Seth.